So I recently sat down and watched “Shadow: Dead Riot” to get you guys a review. Right off the bat let’s get to what the blog title means. Sometimes someone lets a huge nasty fart, and for some people it makes you want to puke, for others it’s very funny, even others love it because of the relief it provides. I am sure this movie has an equally diverse effect on people. Have no doubt though, for everyone, it stinks really, really, bad.
My suggestion for this movie is watch it with a bunch of friends and be totally hammered/stoned…whatever your vice is. Then and only then, you might find this amusing enough to watch it all the way through. I think it has enough over the top crap that makes it worth the watch, but again, I like crappy horror movies.
Horror all-stars Tony Todd (Candyman), and Erin Brown (aka Misty Mundae) make appearances in this flick. First time horror actress Carla Greene was a totally unexpected surprise, and way too good of an actress. She actually stood way out from the other performances. She does show up wet and in cotton underwear, but sorry no nudity from her. Carla Greene, from the stunts she did herself, was very believable as a martial arts badass.
Here is the movie set up. A super evil inmate, played by Tony Todd, is set to be executed by lethal injection. He is wearing a bad wig with braids (only important because sometimes he has it and others he does not…no good reason either way). He is accused of murder, rape, and more murder, and more rape. Something about, he drank the blood of mothers and babies (even pregnant women) for strength. Anyhow, he is so evil that his blood actually runs up the I.V. not the other way. DAMN THAT’S ONE EVIL MOTHER FUCKER. Ok, so that’s actually really stupid. Well, he explodes into pieces all over the jail and evil is all around (evil meaning weird noises and death all over). What? My writing doesn’t make sense? Nope. It’s the movie. I watched that part 3 times, trying to get a good idea of what they were going for and came up with this. Evil is like pop rocks and they were injecting Pepsi into his body, BOOM!
That is better than what they wrote. So they close the Prison down, and bury the dead bodies on premises.
The prison reopens as a women’s correctional facility. Yep, that’s right a chick prison movie with zombies and a hero who is a kung-fu master! So I have to say this idea is really good for a cult hit. So immediately the stereotypical butch and bitch personalities are portrayed. They give you a shower scene right away. Titties and bush everywhere! (very mediocre, but tons of it) Carla Greene is the inmate that likes to be a loner so much her name is Solitaire! Did I mention she has a heart of gold and foot full of Karate!!
So that’s really what you need to know. You can guess exactly how the rest of this movie goes down, so I will just hit the high points.
Q: How do the Zombies get brought to life?
A: A pregnant lady is in labor and sits in the yard to catch her breath during labor and bleeds from between her legs into the ground. Horribly Awesome!
Q: What is the Badass black karate chick’s connection to the head Zombie?
A: Duh? It’s his daughter (it think) or he at least raped and killed her mom during pregnancy…I might have been fast forwarding here.
Q: Does it end with a show down fight?
A: Of course, and it’s really anti climactic.
Q: Any scene worth mentioning?
A: Yep. After all the movies I have seen, I have never seen a mother try to nurse a zombie baby and have it bite off her nipple. The wound creates a pool of blood, with spurts of bright white milk splattering into it.
Ok so this actually seems like a positive review. And it is, until…I tell you this is a crappy movie. The production value is bad…even for a bad horror movie. This is actually on par with most Misty Mundae films, but not so much the Tony Todd kind of flicks. The production value and a script that is unnecessarily complex, or stupid, or confusing, or not thought out… you get my point, are crap. It seems like 4 people wrote this and none read the others work. If you can watch a porn without fast forwarding, you will like this flick and have fun with it. However the pieces that join titties and over the top gore scenes are so bad you may not be able to make it through without heavy use of drugs or alcohol and a group of friends equally fucked up.
I give this movie a twelve pack, joint, and 2 steaming donkey terds.
Ok here is the quick review of this terd. Jamie Pressely is in it, YAY she is smoking! But…