The League of Shadow

Is this a solid product? How functional is the rack? What quality is the whole system?

I have no fucking idea…I haven’t put this thing together yet. It’s in 5 thousand pieces. I will say that again, FIVE thousand pieces. It only has 5 god damned moving parts!

What I do know is someone needs to send some hookers over to the local sporting goods store to blow the poor kids that have to spend 12 hours putting shit like this together.

I got this thing home in 2 very compact boxes. I thought to myself “Shit, this is going to need tools to put together.” Little did I know exactly HOW right I was?

Have you ever put a piece of furniture together from Target or a similar store? You know; something simple that has one drawer but comes in to 50 individual pieces? Parents that have put a babies crib together understand exactly the kind of bullshit I am talking about.

Well this thing is the mother fucker, of all fuckers that fuck mothers.

Here is the nice model picture

Here is the diagram of the bench…no just the fucking bench nothing else.

Here is the rack.

While I got this at a discount price, the price alone of brining in the child labor to build this god damned thing by the time I am 60 makes it not worth it. Oh well, I will give you a functional review when I have this shit up.

Also look for a very gross self review in the future. We will follow my exercise exploits towards fighting the effects of being 30(ish)!

Ok here is the quick review of this terd. Jamie Pressely is in it, YAY she is smoking! But…

Booooo no nudity!!

It kills me because this pile of crap actually had an ok budget and cameras that worked, and still this was horrible. Ok here is the deal. Some Aztec tribe or some shit has a plague killing all their people or something like that. So the witch doctor guy banishes the evil into a clay statue, or “PINATA” [/end finger quotes].

So yeah in 2001 a bunch of horny college students go to this island (that the college owns…I have no fuckin idea) and have a frat vs. sorority competition for underwear!! Hell yeah now we are getting somewhere an hour into this crap…

Wait.

Not each others underwear, a scavenger hunt for a bunch of boxer shorts. They explained why but I forgot already.

So anyhow they go into the woods, and a pair of stupid college kids, find and break the “PINATA” and all hell breaks loose, for real! The worst digital clay midget monster ever goes on a rampage! The hell is watching this fucking digital jerk off.

Ok, hold on a minute here. I watch a lot of shit and love movies that are shitty in a good way. This movie should have skipped the digital shit, got a real mean midget, bad make-up would have been fine, thrown in a ton of boobies (wouldn’t have to be great ones) and this movie could have at least had some funny cult moments.

Ok back to it. Wait I have to think how they beat this thing…yeah I forgot, fuck it.

Even the cover pisses me off. They have Jamie Pressley in this good awful early 90’s looking bathing suit (minus the Oakley Blades) and she never even wore that shit in this movie.

This was fuckin Horrible.

This movie gets two middle fingers, a crotch grab, and a kick to a pregnant lady.

So 4 piles of Donkey Shit out of 5.

Edit: The tag “A weekend to dismember!” is what made me buy this for $2.99.